Blame It On The Pain Episode 77
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π§ Blame It On The Pain SEVENTY SEVEN:
βYou have visitors, Reid.β
I walk into the visiting room and my eyes immediately connect with Alyssaβs.
As happy as I am to see her, I already told her that I didnβt want her to visit. Visitation at Rikers is practically an all day event and itβs not always safe.
Especially when she comes here looking like that. Sheβs wearing one of my t-shirts and a pair of jeans. Her still dark glossy hair is hanging loose and sheβs glowing.
She looks so beautiful it hurts to breathe. Iβm actually thankful that Ricardo and Tyrone came here with her.
My heart sinks when I look at Tyrone. I canβt believe he came all the way here to see me. He has enough of his own problems right now.
Ricardoβs the first one to give me a hug. I didnβt think it was possible but weβve grown even closer after what happened.
In part, due to the three-hour visit that we had when I first got here. He opened up to me and told me the truth about everything. When he left, we both practically had tears in our eyes. He also offered to do what DeLuca did for me. He offered to pay off the judge and have evidence planted again, but I declined.
He said he would figure something else out, but I told him that unless it was legit, I wasnβt interested.
I want to be free on my own merits, even though a big part of me knows that wonβt ever happen.
I hug Tyrone next and seeing him in his wheelchair ki lls me. He gives me that look that tells me heβs doing okay and follows it up with a smile. I smile back because I know that heβs going to pull through this.
Finally, I turn and face Alyssa.
Then I force myself to back away. She looks hurt, and I hate myself for doing that to her. But I canβt kss her. I canβt hug her. I canβt touch her because if I do Iβm afraid I wonβt ever stop. Iβll unravel and I wonβt make it through prison if that happens.
We all sit down at the table and Ricardoβs the first to speak. βI hired a lawyer for you. Heβs the best on the East Coast.β
My ears start ringing because this whole thing is all too familiar. βI told you I wanted everything to be legit.β
βIt is,β he assures me.
βI wish you wouldnβt waste your money. Iβm not getting out of here. The prosecutorβs going to have a field day with me because they know that I donβt regret it. They know that Iβm going to accept whatever happens. Thereβs no point in fighting this.β
Ricardo lets out a frustrated sigh.
Tyrone looks pissed and opens his mouth to argue, but Alyssa stands up and puts her hands on her hips. βRicardo, do you think you can distract the guards for a little? I need to speak to Jackson alone.β
βYou got it,β Ricardo says before him and Tyrone leave.
The sIap across my face knocks me for a loop. βSnap out of it, Jackson!β Alyssa screams.
I stare at her wide-eyed. βThereβs nothing to snap out of. I love you but I need you to come to terms with this. I need you to find someone else. Someone whoβs good. Someone who can take care of you anββ
She sits back down and points a finger at me. βShut up. There is no one else, there will never be anyone else. I know youβre scared because of the first time you were in prison. I get it. I know youβve given up all hope of the system working in your favor but you canβt. I still believe that good things can happen. I havenβt in awhile, but I do now, Jackson.β
βI wish you wouldnβt because it will only hurt you in the end. And I donβt want to hurt you, Alyssa.β
She leans forward. βThereβs still some good in the world.β Her brow crinkles. βNow can you do something for me? Please?β
βYou know I will.β
βI just need you to believe. Believe in me. Believe in yourself.β
She stands up and reaches for my hand before placing it over her stomach. βBelieve in us. Because I do.β
Her stomach feels just like it always has, but for some reason, my heart rate skyrockets and Iβve never felt more nauseous in my life. βAlyssa, why did you put my hand on your stomach?β
She plays with her necklace. βBecause I know deep down that youβre scared. And I think you need some extra strength. But I know you can do it. I know you can get through this.β She places her hand over mine. βYouβre not getting rid of us. Weβre going to be a team for life.β
Tears sting my eyes as I remember everything she told me about the last conversation with her father.
And thatβs when I realize.
She said us.
βHow? Not that Iβm notββ I pause because I really donβt know what I am.
Actually, I do. Iβm fking scared out of my mind. This is a different kind of scared that Iβve never experienced before.
But Iβm strangely happy, too. Christ, does that even make any sense?
βI didnβt think to use a backup when I was sick and on antibiotics. Iβm sorry. I know itβs not ideal. I know our situation is completelyββ she pauses and exhales.
I place my hands on her h ips and move her closer to me. βScary?β I offer.
She blinks away tears. βYeah. It isβ¦but I know we can do this. No matter what happens. Weβll get through this somehow. I donβt give a fk what the rest of the world thinks about you. Our baby will know their daddy is a good man, because they will know you.β
She runs her hand through my hair and I place a kss on her belly. βOkay.β A sense of calm washes over me. βNo matter what happens, Iβll still believe in us.β
I stand up and give her a hug. Ricardo and Tyroneβs eyes meet mine. They both pat the spot over their heart and I smile.
Our visit ends after that but Ricardo walks over to me right before the guards take me away.
βMake sure you go to the recreation room tonight.β
βWhy?β
He starts walking. βBecause thereβs a television in there.β
βAnd by the way, you have a meeting with your new lawyer tomorrow,β he calls out before he walks out the door.
TO Be Continued