Blame It On The Pain Episode 61
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π§ Blame It On The Pain SIXTY ONE:
(Alyssa)
βEx-wife,β she informs me. βWell, thanks to you.β
βIβm sorry.β
She frowns and begins setting up the supplies to start my IV. βSave it. You canβt apologize for ruining someoneβs marriage, itβs unforgivable.β
Jackson points a finger at her. βLook, if you think Iβm letting you stick a needle in her arm after youβve just verbally attacked her, think again. I want another nurse.β
βJackson, give us a minute.β
When he begins to protest, I add, βPlease.β
He ksses my forehead. βIβll be right outside that door.β He looks at Penelope. βAnd so will my Momma.β
I sit up in bed and look at Penelope. βYouβre right. I canβt ever apologize for something like that. It is unforgivable. But I will tell you that Iβm not proud of myself. And I will tell you that woman to woman, Iβm the lowest of the low and Iβm ashamed of myself for that.β
BLAME IT ON THE PAIN : EPISODE 61 β 70. Thingscouplesdo
Her cold demeanor shifts a little and she takes a deep breath. βIt wasnβt all your fault.β She closes her eyes. βIn fact, Iβd say that a lot of it wasnβt your fault. Especially when it started.β
She wipes a tear from her eye and looks down. βI donβt think you were really old enough to make the adult decision to be involved with a married man back thenβ¦were you?β
βI- um,β I stall, because being an actual adult now, Iβm not entirely sure.
βI mean, what were you, like 16?β
I fidget with my hands. βIt was within hours of 17th birthday. I begged him to see me for my birthday, though. Letβs just say that I was with him when the clock struck 12. I felt like Cinderella at that moment. But looking back now, it was never a fairytale. It was a nightmare.β
I look her in the eyes and hold out my arm. βBut thatβs still no excuse for my part in hurting you, because I didnβt stay 17 forever, Penelope. And although I only had actual sx with him once and hated myself right after. I still wanted it beforehandβ¦and I was 21 years old when it happened.β
Another tear falls down her cheek as she puts the tourniquet on and inserts the needle.
βAnd if Iβm really being honest, Ford and I always had an inappropriate relationship. I should have kicked him out of my life a lot sooner than I did. I was too codependent on himβ¦and it was toxic. He was toxic.β
She sniffles and I wish I could hug her. I hate that he took down another woman. And I hate that I played a part in it.
She reaches for a tissue and wipes her face. βHe is. I realize that now. I think I finally got it when our divorce was finalized a little over three months ago. After I discovered everything about the two of you. But he has this way about him, you know? And itβs more than just his good looksβ¦itβs this way he has of just sucking you in. He tells you what you want to hear. Then he fks up, you call him on it, and he apologizes and treats you like youβre the most important thing in the world again. Until youβre not anymore. Itβs a never ending cycle. Sometimes all in the same night.β
She worries her bottom lip between her teeth. βAnd this whole timeβ¦you know heβs just working his magic. You know heβs altering your psyche in some way that you canβt explain. But every time you reach to turn that light onβ¦and you get that much closer to realizing it. Bamβ¦heβs onto youβ¦and heβs ready to strike again and lure you into his trap. The worst part is, you donβt even realize how much damage heβs caused until itβs too late.β
I nod my head, knowing all too well what she means. βHeβs a master manipulator. Heβs the human version of snake oil. Pretty package, and heβll sell you anything you wantβ¦but in the endβ¦you realize that the real snake was him.β
βYeah, that sums it up perfectly. Look, Iβm sorry for calling you a whore. Iβm a 34-year-old woman. No matter how upset I am, it doesnβt give me a right to sIut-shame another female. And I should have left him a long time ago. Hell, I should have figured it out right when you called that night. I was so excited to get married to him, though. I thought we would have the picture perfect life. The nurse and FBI agent and our 2.5 beautiful children.β
I reach for her hand and she lets me. βHey. Itβs not too late to have that. Youβre nice, sweet, accomplished, and 34 is still young. I would call you beautiful but Iβm afraid you would think Iβm conceited.β
She laughs and I feel a weight lift off my chest. βIt is a little strange, huh? I mean, even with the dark hair you have now, we still look a lot alike. Obviously, youβre younger and your t its donβt sag quite like mine yetβ¦but being in the same room with you is like being in the twilight zone.β
I think back to all those times when I wished that I was the one Ford chose instead of her.
Oddly enough, I feel relieved because this is like a glimpse into the future of what it would have been like. Thereβs no doubt in my mind now that he would have done the same thing to me and I would have ended up heartbroken like Penelope.
I give her a small smile. βWell, Ford might be the worldβs biggest as sh ole, but at least he has good taste.β I look down. βAnd your t its donβt sag. Youβre still rocking it. I can only hope to look as good as you do when Iβm 34.β
Then she does something that I definitely wasnβt expecting. She pulls me in for a hug. βI didnβt like you when I first walked in here. But now, Iβm really glad we had this conversation.β
I hug her tighter and I feel the tears start falling. βMe too. And for the record, I really am sorry. I wish I could take it all back and I wish you never got hurt in any of this.β
She pulls away and pats my cheek. βMe tooβ¦but I also see now that I wasnβt the only one who got hurt. Take care of yourself, Alyssa. Despite what I thought earlier, youβre a good person. A good woman.β
βUh. Everything okay here?β Jackson questions, his eyes darting back and forth between us cautiously.
Penelope squeezes my hand. βYeah, everythingβs okay. You got a good girl, here. Take care of her.β She looks at me. βMaybe one day Iβll find my own handsome knight in shining armor like you have.β
βI hope so. Because you deserve that, Penelope.β
She wipes her eyes and heads for the door. βIβll be back to check on you in a little while.β
Jackson stuffs his hands in his pockets. βIβm not sure what Iβm supposed to say right now.β
βThat makes two of us. I never thought Iβd say this, but Iβm glad I met her. Iβm happy I got a chance to have that conversation with her.β
βItβs fking weird how much you look alike, though, huh?β
βCan you blame the man for having good taste?β
He walks over to me and puts his arms around me. He looks like heβs about to say something, but Tyrone, Ricardo, and Momma walk into the room.
Ricardo whistles. βDid you guys see that smokinβ hot nurse walking down the hall.β
Jackson grunts but I put a hand on his arm. βYou should get her number, Ricardo. I happen to know for a fact that sheβs single.β He looks excited, until I add. βHowever, sheβs not a βhit it and quit itβ. So if you pursue her you better be serious. Sheβs been through enough.β
βNah. I already learned my lesson when it comes to broken and damaged girls.β
Jackson and Tyrone look at him but he averts his gaze and rubs his neck. βIβll meet you guys in the car.β
βI knew he had it bad for Lou-Lou but dmn,β Tyrone declares after Ricardo walks out.
βThereβs definitely a story there,β Momma says. βPoor guy is all kinds of hurtinβ.β
Jackson nods but turns to look at me. βIβm gonna ask Shane to bring some of your clothes to my apartment, okay?β
βAre you sure? I really donβt want to impose.β
He lifts my chin. βAlyssa, I take care of whatβs mine and what I love. Donβt you ever forget that.β
TO Be Continued