Blame It On The Pain Episode 46
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π§ Blame It On The Pain FORTY SIX:
(Jackson)
Shane had an emergency and it was too late to change since I was by myself and it was getting packed.β
Her brow wrinkles. βI heard your voice and it made me happy. But, then I heard the things you were saying about me.
And whether I liked it or not, I had to accept that there were people in that bar who might have shared your thoughts. Maybe even some who thought I was a whβre.β
She looks me in the eyes. βBut Iβm not a whβre, Jackson.β She gives me a small shrug. βI just wanted to tell you that.β There are moments in your life that youβll never forget. Some good, some bad, some life-changing.
However, I never thought it was possible to fall in love with a single moment.
Especially a moment with a person whoβs caused you so much pain.
Especially when the moment puts you in your place for being a monumental as shoIe.
But this moment right here?
I love this moment.
Despite what happened between us in the past, I still love this moment.
Thereβs so much strength, growth and beauty in this single moment pouring out from herβ¦. I almost donβt want to ruin it by talking.
But I have to, if for nothing else then to say, βYouβre right, Alyssa. Youβre not a whβre. You never were.β I wipe the tear from her cheek with my thumb and stand up. βI was wrong for the things I said last night. And Iβm sorry.β
I give her one last smile before I walk away.
Then I put my armor up because I have to.
Iβm stepping out the door when I hear Alyssaβs footsteps behind me. βJackson, wait. Please.β I turn around and she grabs my hand and leads me to a small corner of the bar, giving us more privacy.
βIβm sorry,β she says.
I open my mouth to stop her, because although the moment we just shared was incredible, it doesnβt erase what happened.
And it doesnβt change the fact that Iβm still irate with her about it.
βPlease, Iβm begging you to just hear me out,β she pleads. I go to turn away, but she tugs on my hand. βFord was never my boyfriend. I was never with him!β she blurts.
βAlthough, there was a point in my life when I thought I wanted that,β she amends.
I pull my hand away and begin walking again. βI shouldnβt have lied to you about him being in my life,β she calls out. βBut if you knew about the things between us. The things that went on.β
I stop mid-stride and turn around. βI donβt want to know about those things, Alyssa. Keep them to yourself. Trust me, I really donβt need to hear all about how you loved him and fked him.β
I didnβt mean to raise my voice, but I didnβt come here for this sht. I came here to apologize and go on with my life. Why canβt she just let me?
βButβ¦Jackson. You donβt understand.β
No, sheβs the one who doesnβt understand. βDid you have sx with him?β
She steps back with a guilty expression her face. βYes. But it wasββ
βDid you love him?β I interrupt.
She worries her bottom lip between her teeth before answering, βYes. But it wasnβtββ
I cut her off. βDid you lie to me about the nature of your relationship with him?β
She looks down. βYes.β
I lean in close to her ear. βYou see, Alyssa. It really doesnβt matter what you think it was or what it wasnβt between you and him. Thatβs none of my business and quite frankly, I donβt give a sht.
The only thing that matters to me is that you loved him, you fked him, you lied to me about him and all three of those things ended up hurting me.β
I walk away from her this time with no hesitation.
The only thing that causes me to pause is when I hear her whisper, βI didnβt have sx with him that night. I wouldnβt do that to you.β But I still force myself to walk right out that door.
Because I donβt want to forgive herβ¦I donβt want to fall for her. But most of all?
I donβt want to have to lie to her about who I really amβ¦again.
TO Be Continued